Affirming Ways To Communicate:

• Be present
• Reflect back to the person what is being said. Use their words, not yours.
• Begin where they are, not where you want them to be.
• Be curious and open to what they are trying to say.
• Notice what they are saying and what they are not.
• Emotionally relate to how they are feeling.
• Notice how you are feeling. Be honest and authentic.
• Try to understand how their past affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you.
• Stay in the room even if you are scared, or feeling angry, or hurt.

Here are some processing questions you can use:

• “What angered you about what happened?”
• “What hurts you about what happened?”
• “What’s familiar about what happened?”
• “What makes it unsafe for you here and what would make it safer?

David M. Graham, PhD, LPCS, NCC
Counselor/ Coordinator for Inclusion and Diversity Outreach
Davidson College