For teachers who have lost a student as a casualty of an unexpected and tragic event. This must be a very difficult time for you and all who knew and loved the student. You may be exeriencing a range of emotions and grief, including shock, disbelief, and even anger. These feelings are all natural responses to such a tragic event. It is important to care for yourself during this time, and seek support from others who can offer comfort and understanding.
The university and the broader community offers counseling services and support groups for faculty and staff as well as students, please consider using these services to support your own needs. Some of your colleagues may have experienced this in the past and will be especially understanding, and capable of offering guidance.
Addressing the loss of your student in the first class meeting with their classmates is an important and delicate manner. You will need to consider the size of the class and the context of your relationship with the students to adapt the following advice to suit your situation. It is important to, in some way, acknowledge the loss and express your self while remaining sensitive to the feelings of the students. Some of your students may already be aware and may have discussed the situation with their classmates, while others may be coming to class unaware. Here are some suggestions on how to address the loss in the first class meeting:
Acknowledge the loss
Begin by acknowledging the loss of the student and express your condolences to their classmates. You might say something like: “Before we begin today’s class, I want to acknowledge the loss of your fellow classmate [name].” What follows might be different depending on the situation. “Our thoughts and condolences go out to their family and friends during this difficult time.” or “They need to take an extended recess to recover medically, and I will let you know later if they plan to rejoin us, for the time being we will continue the class without them.”
Explain support
Encourage the student to reach out to and utilize the support and counseling services available from the university. Make sure you have information about these services with you for class. You can say something like “I want to remind you that there are resources available to you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to get connected to service that can help you process your thoughts and feelings.” Explain your availability, boundaries, and what you are comfortable talking about if you invite them to connect with you individually.
Be conscientious
Students are likely to experience a wide range of emotions over a significant period of time. It is important to be sensitive to their needs on the first day, and over time, and to encourage them to support eachother. To express your sensitivity, and encourage their empathy you might say: “I know that this may be a difficult time for many of you, and I want to remind you that it is okay to take time to process your feelings. We are all here to support each other.”
Allow for discussion
If appropriate, you may want to allow time for students to share their thoughts and feelings about the loss. You might prompt them with, “If anyone would like to share their thoughts or feelings about [name], please feel free to do so. We are all here to support each other, and to remember our classmate.”
Communicate Expectations and Changes
After a traumatic loss, many students will find focusing and organizing to be more difficult. Before class, prepare a revision to your syllabus if needed. Plan on communicating and changes to schedule, content covered, activities, and especially assignment or testing due dates explicitly and in multiple formats. Repetition will help students reorient to new expectations and reorient themselves.
Summary
Remember, there are many possible ways to address the loss of a student. It is important to consider the context of your specific course and the relationships between the students when planning for your first meeting. Try to be flexible and responsive to the needs and reactions of the students. By acknowledging the loss and offering support, you may help your students to process their thoughts and feelings. You can model for students the meta-cognitive task of surfacing the uncomfortable, acknowledging it, and consciously refocusing on important values and goals, without supressing or denying the discomfort of loss. Most importantly you will be showing students the strength that comes from supporting eachother in a learning community.
Resources for you, the teacher
This article on “How to Handle the Death of a Student” is written from the perspective of a secondary teacher who has had to handle similar situations. Much is transferrable to college students. Additionally, PERSPECTIVE: Teaching Through Trauma (by Dave Stieber for TRiiBE, a digital media platform for Black Chicago [perspective]) is an article is from the point of view of a public school teacher reflecting on what educators do when a student dies. There are links within to further resources that will help instructors consider what to say, and what not to say.
This guide from grievingstudents.org offers a framework for discussions between educators, 1:1 or in small groups, that may help you process the loss and begin moving forward. Educators who are experiencing the immediate impact of a missing student, may find support from peers in a similar situation to be the most compelling to aid them in grief and prepare them to help other students process the loss.